christmas eve

was really great.
i spent the whole day with tit hair! we watched elf, had breakfast soup together, decorated the christmas tree together, wrapped a present together kinda not really, took a nap together, played the wii, i met his family and ate some more at his house, and finally went to midnight mass together! it was great! christmas day isn't as great butt at least i went somewhere.

onedering

i wonder if you ever think about me.
incidentially, you are always in the back of my mind, always.
i had a nice talk with your parents. i honestly missed them. their hugs and smiles were so warm, it was like a reunion. when i saw you though it wasn't like that. it was no reunion nor was it warm.
i hope that someday a reunon will be warm.
i hope that someday we'll have that official closure.
but for now things are good.
not between us, but for us seperately- in general. or so it seems.

eventually i wont need you.

square one.

i am picking at my tangled hair. i am clenching my teeth. i am trying not to feel anything i am not trying to feel the blow of your words. i am going. i am going to sieze the day somehow. but i feel the ache again. i feel the blow. i am letting myself fall again.
i am gone.

so like

i like how you smell like axe. but today you smelled like freaking smoke and dog.
i like how you walked in the coooold to try and get me but we only hung out for 20 minutes.
i like how you make me burst a lot.
i like how i can never make you laugh intentionally.
i like how the right side of your body including your testicle tingles whenever i talk on your right nipple.
i like how whenever i put my arms around your neck we seem to sway and slow dance even though there isn't any music.
i like the way you lip sync and look stupid, and im comfortable enough to look stupid with you.
i like how we know each other but we don't.
i'm excited for the future and uncertainty.

December 13, 2008

Exactly one year ago. Damn, and I can stil remember that day, its a memory so clear in my mind.

I already wrote about it though, here: the day the earth stood still

--
It was a day we waited so anxiously for. That week was probably the longest. We were always on the phone until 4am or so. I remember you asked me to be your girlfriend on 11:59 pm on December 11 and I said yes on December 12 at 12:00 am. Then you asked me again, in between one of our kisses on December 13 around 430/5pm I believe.

I can't really believe it's been a year since then. A year ago, I never knew we would be like this. I never knew I would be here. I never expected myself to travel down this road with people I've known all along. I never expected myself to take a completely different path from you. My hopes were so high then.
A year ago we were pretty much insperable. I took you seriously. I treated our relationship a little too seriously when it wasn't meant to be like that in the first place. But I was Blind.
And now, we don't even talk. It's okay though, we're bound to talk to each other some day. What you left off won't always be avoidable. What you did, what you cut off will come back to you and me; it's inevitable. But I'm not going to wait around for you to finish, not like I did before.

You really did change my life though and I am indeed greatful. You showed me what true love was and what a healthy relationship was. You were the sweetest, most gentlemanly (if that is a word) guy I have ever met. I'm glad you treated me right. I was so lucky to be with you, when there are a bunch of other girls who would have killed to be in my place. I'll always treasure those roses, pictures, and little gifts you gave me.

Well, whoever you're with now is lucky as well. I hope things are going well for you.

another one

i had another dream about you.
we skipped school. we were at some store and i wanted to buy something but i didn't have my money with me. i had to get it from your car or my car, so i did. while i was waiting for you to park your car next to mine, a cop saw you and you got in trouble.
it was weird, and you had long hair. every time i dream about you now, you have long hair. you were the way you used to be.

once

My eyes swept over the words, "The pain of the memory bit into me like the lash of a whip... 'You left me once.'"

For a brief second, whip of pain spread through out my body causing my heart to ache. I whimpered a little, because I felt the chills run up and down my spine.

I didn't want to feel it, but I did.

I thought of your voice and the pain made another round and hit me again. The feeling eventually subsided and I continued to read.

wow,

thank you so much.
see, you're still my heart.
you ain't no vagabond!


MY GAWD, YOU REMIND ME OF JACOB BLACK, HAHAHA.
i caaant wait to see ayuu.